A few weeks ago my dad really hurt my feelings. Something probably so so small to other people but just so big to me. Like, I turned into a huge baby and couldn’t believe it. At age 34, I had no idea I could let something so small in our relationship affect me like it did. It wasn’t intentional. It wasn’t even something he thought about. It was just, how he does things and what his past and his life today has made him to be.
I talk to my dad often. I go to him a lot. The love that most all kids desire from their earthly dad (regardless of how old you are) is so real.
It took God’s help to accept that this is who my dad is in this area. To accept, that until HE changes his heart, this is how things will be. I told my dad he hurt me that day, and despite his precious heart telling me he was so sorry, I know he had a hard time seeing it. But I now see it. And today I know that I can either listen to the lies of the enemy telling me so many untruths about how I FEEL, or I can CHOOSE to believe all the truths of what God says and what I KNOW. And it helps. I can let go of what my dad unknowingly did and all I want him to still be, and grab hold of the fact that despite what he can’t always give right now, he loves me, with all the love HE has for me, and just because he isn’t always able to show me in all the ways that I want, it doesn’t take away from how much I mean to him, and how much he means to me. That helps, too.
When we want so badly for people to behave the way WE want, and be the people WE want them to be, it results in hurt hearts, unmet expectations, and plain ol’ defeat. But, when we can look PAST the things done, and PRAY to see what God sees, we can then begin to let go of what WE don’t see, and begin to love what’s there, and see glimpses of the people God created THEM to be. And hopefully, more and more, and with each passing day, that’s ALL we will eventually see. 💕
